Pain Is Self Chosen

“My pain is self-chosen,” Layne Staley sings on the melancholy Mad Season hit, River of Deceit . “ At least I believe it to be.” That belief, the Stoics would concur, is well-founded. Pain is a choice. Now before you get upset hearing that, wait a second. We’re not talking about physical pain. You don’t choose the stabbing pains from a knife wound or a back injury. It’s not your fault that cancer treatment is brutal, and no one is saying that people ask to be abused, physically or otherwise. What the Stoics refer to as a chosen pain is the sense of being wronged. "Choose not to be harmed,” Marcus Aurelius wrote , “and you won't feel harmed. Don't feel harmed—and you haven't been." He means that if you don’t feel like you’ve been singled out or screwed over, then were you? No, because that’s subjective. Just as it was subjective whether you thought the intention of this email was victim-blaming or whether you see it for what it is: a different way to think about the situations we find ourselves in throughout life. Getting cut from a team—that’s objective. A sense that you were dealt a grave injustice? That isn’t. The resentment you decide to nurse for getting cut? Tha…